Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
