Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
