I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
