Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
