My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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