i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
