My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
