After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
