btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
