first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
