Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
