dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Is it because I queefed?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
