My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
