my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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