NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I looked at my own cervix.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
