Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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