whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
