my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
