Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
