youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
