Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
