Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
