Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
