first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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