Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
