did i walk over a car last night?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
