Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
