You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
