I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
