If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
"it" just moved
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
