her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
