You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
why is half of my head shaved?
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