it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
