She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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