yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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