my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
