I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
