Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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