May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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