I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
