I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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