New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
