People in love make me want to vomit
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My feet surprised me
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