If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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