my soul wont recognize me after tonight
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
