Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
