We named our party play list daddy issues
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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