He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
