So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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