Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
